


history repeats (but i don't blame you)

by Fimbulvetrstar



Category: Shin Megami Tensei Series, 真女神転生IV FINAL | Shin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse, 真女神転生IV | Shin Megami Tensei IV
Genre: Gen, there were so many missed opportunities for interactions between asahi and isabeau man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 10:28:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9651890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fimbulvetrstar/pseuds/Fimbulvetrstar
Summary: But, how are you supposed to tell the truth,Asahi now wondered bleakly, as Krishna smugly revealed everything about his release from Kanda-no-yashiro and the faces of her friends grew horrified and unfamiliar,when you’ve done something that could destroy the world?





	

**Author's Note:**

> asahi and isabeau's relationship is Pure and underappreciated
> 
> and like they have a lot more in common than the game brings attention to like why couldn't we have gotten more scenes between them atlus......................... im mad at u
> 
> btw im really tired and didn't spend a long time proofreading this so if u see a mistake u know where to let me know my dudes thumbs up emoji
> 
> (btw just in case this is a potential trigger for u asahi does kinda have a panic attack while talking to isabeau, i wanted to make sure i mentioned that before posting bc i know for some people depictions of that kind of stuff really messes them up ;w;)

Asahi recalled a time when she was young – five or so, if she remembered correctly – and had broken a pipe from her father’s collection.

Old, worn out, with faded polish and cracks in the wood, it was the one pipe he almost never used. It puzzled Asahi to no end; why would he keep it, then, instead of throwing it out? Especially with how often he preached about only keeping the essentials – that life in Tokyo revolved around necessity.

So, one night, Asahi managed to convince Nanashi to sneak it out of her father’s room (she would have done it herself, if not for the strange sixth sense her father seemed to have when she was up to something she knew he wouldn’t like). Taking the pipe in hand, she examined every inch of it. Was it magic? Was there some kind of trick to it? How did these things work, anyway? Wasn’t burning things in the underground district dangerous?

She quickly grew tired of trying to figure out the secret. Instead, she balanced it in her hand, mimicking the way her dad always held them while serving customers at the bar. “Come on now, I must have told you two to clean your rooms a dozen times today!” Facing Nanashi, she tried to take on her father’s sharp tone, but couldn’t hold back her giggles at how silly she sounded.

Nanashi wasn’t one for laughing much, but the grin on his face was all the response Asahi needed. Before she could continue, he leaned forward and plucked the object from her hands, holding it just out of her reach as she let out a “Hey!” and indignantly tried to retrieve it. “I wanna turn too!” He said mischievously, persisting until she sat down on the floor with a huff.

Of course, his impersonation of her father left her laughing until her stomach ached, and then he passed it back to her like he promised. They continued like that for quite some time, trying to get a bigger reaction out of each other every time until Asahi finally stood to strut around her room. “ _I’m_ the boss, so you’ll call me Boss while I’m at work!” She held her chin high, stomping her foot. “Come on n – ”

Then she tripped on a bump in the carpet. Practically squeaking in surprise, she fell forward without even enough time to brace herself for the impact. As her face painfully made contact with the hard floor, there was a distant cracking sound that made Asahi’s heart drop to her stomach.

Timidly, she looked up. The pipe lay in pieces now scattered across the room.

There was a moment of silence. Then, Nanashi spoke. “Your dad is going to kill us.”

The next moments were a frantic blur, spent cleaning up the mess and tossing the pieces underneath the couch cushions and then hastily jumping in the bed to pretend they had been sleeping the whole time.

And it worked – the first night.

It probably would have helped if Asahi hadn’t nervously avoided eye contact with her father all through breakfast the next day. Or the rest of the day, really. By day three of awkward encounters and dead silent mealtimes, Asahi’s father went to one of Asahi’s roommates and learned the truth of what had happened. That night, to Asahi’s utter panic, he called her to his room. Nanashi promised to visit her grave every day (that is, until he was summoned as well immediately after her).

She pushed the door open with a trembling hand and stepped inside. Her father was sat in his favorite chair, just as he usually did after a long day at the bar. Asahi, however, stared adamantly at her feet so hard she was surprised she didn’t burn holes through her shoes.

“Asahi. Look at me.”

He didn’t _sound_ angry. At least, he wasn’t spitting in rage like she had been expecting. But his tone still didn’t sound promising. Tears burned at the edge of Asahi’s eyes, going hand in hand with the guilt churning in her stomach.

There was a sigh. “Come on now, Asahi. I’m not going to yell at you.”

Reluctantly, Asahi shifted her gaze up, but as soon as she met her father’s eye something inside of her snapped. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I broke your pipe, really, I, I…!” The tearful apologies kept coming before she could think to do anything else. “I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to see it and now I got Nanashi in trouble too for helping me and… I-I’ll try to fix it, I’m sorry…!”

“ _Asahi._ ” Asahi shrank away as he cut her off, shaking his head. “Do you know why I still kept that pipe, even after I stopped using it?”

“…No…”

“It had been given to me as a gift, many years ago. Before you were even born. By your mother.”

Another electrified surge of panic rushed through Asahi’s chest. Gasping, some tears escaped to form wet trails down her cheeks, and she prepared to start apologizing again until her father held up his hand to silence her. “I’m _not_ telling you this to make you feel worse. You wanted to know why I still had it, and now you know.” Still, there was a wistfulness in his eyes as he told her. “Of course, I’m not happy that it’s broken. But it _was_ old, and these things happen. That’s not what I’m disappointed about.”

“I-It…” Asahi sniffled. “It’s not?”

“No.” He looked back down at her. “I’m disappointed that you lied and tried to hide it from me.”

“I-I…”

He rose from his chair to kneel to her level, reaching out to wipe the tears from her cheeks with another sigh. “Asahi, when you do something that you know is going to make someone else sad, hiding it from them only makes it worse. Do you believe that they don’t deserve to know the truth? What if Nanashi accidentally lost your favorite hat and lied about it?”

Asahi rubbed her eyes, trying to imagine how she would feel if that happened. “I would… be sad. And a little angry. Why would he lie about something that’s important to me? I always tell him everything… Even the bad stuff.”

“Exactly.” Asahi’s father nodded, then telling her. “So, from now on, if you do something bad, no matter how awful it is, I want you to tell the truth. Alright?”

And Asahi had agreed.

_But, how are you supposed to tell the truth,_ Asahi now wondered bleakly, as Krishna smugly revealed everything about his release from Kanda-no-yashiro and the faces of her friends grew horrified and unfamiliar, _when you’ve done something that could destroy the world?_

* * *

 

With a trembling fist, Asahi knocked on the metal door and waited. Already, the pause was too much – Asahi was almost certain her heart was going to burst through her chest the exact moment the doorknob jiggled.

Calmly, the door swung open, Asahi’s stomach churning. Turned out that Nozomi’s information was right after all; Isabeau stood in the doorway, stared at her with unmasked surprise. “Asahi?”

On instinct, Asahi felt herself start to smile, but then she remembered the way Isabeau had looked at her at Tsukiji Konganji only hours before. The smile faded. “…Miss Isabeau.” Asahi kept her voice low, glancing around nervously (again) to make sure no hunters had noticed her. “I… Can I talk to you? Please?”

Thankfully, with the presence of the Ring of Gaea in Ginza, hunters did not frequent the area as much as the other underground districts. But the longer she stood there, waiting for a response from Isabeau, the higher her anxiety rose, feeling like a vice around her chest. Out of the corner of her eye, eventually, she saw Isabeau nod. “Here,” she said, shifting herself out of the way so Asahi could enter, “it would be best to keep this private.”

Hurrying into the room, Asahi murmured a breathless ‘thank you’, feeling some of the tension leave her shoulders as the door softly clicked close. She couldn’t help herself from a quick glance around the place – for so long, she wondered where exactly she and Flynn stayed in Tokyo, with their home being on the surface and all.

The room was sparsely furnished: one futon was laid out on the ground while another was rolled up against the wall, various supplies were gathered neatly in another corner (along with Masakado’s katana, Asahi noticed with a slight wince), and a small pile of manga books that left her slightly puzzled.

It seemed like such a lonely place for one person. Guilt rose bitterly in the back of her throat.

“It’s quite late.” Asahi jumped when Isabeau suddenly spoke behind her, reminding her why she was here in the first place with a fresh wave of anxiety. Her expression was not harsh or cold when Asahi turned back to her, but something about it had certainly changed. “How did you learn I was here?”

It took a moment before Asahi realized she was taking much too long to answer. “I-I’m sorry.” She hated the way her voice shook and tried to steel herself with a deep breath. It didn't work. “Nozomi – I asked her if she knew where I could find you, I figured she would since she knew you and Flynn so well and – and I didn’t really know who else to ask, it was hard enough for to come here without any hunters stopping me and I…”

Isabeau stood still by the closed door, calmly watching her with an unwavering amber gaze. Whatever courage Asahi had mustered together on the way here was quickly falling apart at the seams, and with every stuttered word it only got worse. “I-I didn’t want people to think that I was running away because I’m _not_ , I’m not, I know that I need to be an adult and take responsibility no matter what happens tomorrow – but it’s just too much, they’re all watching us like we’re going to stab them in the back and I… I…!”

Some detached part of her consciousness took note of the concern that now glittered in Isabeau’s eyes, that she was suddenly moving closer. At this point, she was barely choking out her incoherent apologies, over and over and –

_I’m sorry I’m sorry I just wanted to help you and Flynn and now I’ve ruined everything because they took him they took him and it’s all my fault and_

“Asahi – Asahi, look at me.” Isabeau sounded urgent; not the same urgency as when she gave orders in battle, but something softer, quieter.

_I never wanted this to happen but they tricked us and I didn’t know what else to do and everything is going wrong and_

“It’s okay, no one is looking at you anymore. We’re alone. You’re safe. You’re safe here.”

She continued to murmur gentle reassurances, pulling Asahi into her arms as she trembled and tried to regain control of her breathing. She didn’t even notice she was crying at first; she started to apologize for the small stain forming on the front of Isabeau’s uniform only to be hushed by her once more.

Isabeau settled them both to sit down on her futon, keeping Asahi tight in her embrace all the while. Eventually, as her crying faded to sniffles and the weight on her chest lifted somewhat, she pulled away to look up at the samurai. But guilt still burned in the pit of her stomach. “Is it… Is it my fault that Flynn was taken away from us?”

Isabeau’s response was nearly instant. “No, of course not.” The certainty in which she spoke made Asahi feel weak with relief. “Dry your eyes, Asahi. For anyone to expect you to carry such a heavy burden alone… I’ve never once blamed you for what happened.”

“B-but I was _there_ , Miss Isabeau… There must have been something I could have done, I – “

“ _Asahi._ ” Isabeau cut her off with a soft sigh. “Flynn would never have allowed Maitreya to kill you. That is simply who he is, and even though it led to his capture, I would have been horrified if he hadn’t laid down his sword to save you. And… I know all too well the power demons have to use others for their own personal gain.”

There was a history in her words. Asahi feared that she was treading on sensitive territory, but she had to know why Isabeau understood. “I remember… the war council conference. Your friends… you said that they…”

A mixture of emotions flickered in Isabeau’s eyes – sorrow, anger, guilt… “Maybe there was something I could have done as well.” Pain seeps into her voice for only a moment. “We’ll never know. But we have to hope that, because of the way we feel, we’ll be able to make things right again.”

Lost in their thoughts, silence fell over them. Did Isabeau blame herself for the current situation Tokyo was in as well? Did _Flynn_? “Please don’t blame yourself!” Asahi exclaimed without second thought. “You or Flynn! You’ve done so much for us… You can’t tell me not to feel bad only to turn around and carry all this guilt by yourself.”

Isabeau’s eyes widened in surprise, and Asahi resolutely gazed back. Then, her lips curve into a small smile. “Thank you, Asahi.” She said, with a warmth that Asahi couldn’t help smiling back to.

Then, her brow furrowed with worry. “You said that coming here was difficult for you. Does anyone else know you’re here right now?”

Asahi glanced at her phone, held in the pouch of her belt. “Nanashi knows. I’m pretty sure Nozomi figured that was why I asked her where you were staying. I-I’m not really sure if it was alright for me to leave Kinshicho or not, though. We haven’t received any word back from the Association yet… but the hunters know about what we did.”

Isabeau responded with a murmur of sympathy. “Do you feel safe staying in Kinshicho right now?”

“I’m… I’m not sure, honestly.” She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to start crying again when she remembered the way her roommates looked at her after the news.

But Isabeau placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I do not want to cause more trouble for you. But, if you would like, you can stay here until morning and leave before anyone notices.”

Asahi straightened herself, attention snapping back to the samurai. “Really? That’s okay?”

Isabeau chuckled a little bit as she replied. “Yes, that’s why I’m offering.”

For the first time since their assault on Tsukiji Konganji, Asahi grinned in earnest, jumping up from her seat with a bounce of excitement. “Thank you! Oh, I have to let Nanashi know, so he can let my dad know I’m okay – I know he’s been worried about me, even though he’s upset…”

She pulled out her phone, but paused for a moment, glancing back at Isabeau. “I was so scared that you hated me, after Krishna told you.” She admitted, rubbing at her eyes when she felt the sting of tears return.

“Never, Asahi.” Isabeau promised, giving her another quick hug. “Whatever happens tomorrow, please know that I will stand by you. Always.”

The uncertainty of tomorrow still felt scary and unknown, but Isabeau’s words broke through the dark thoughts with a tiny, persistent flame of hope.

Squeezing her a little tighter, Asahi nodded.

**Author's Note:**

> dude i just realized i did some accidental parallels between the first and second parts of this story omg
> 
> like i was gonna take them out but tbh i think i like it better that way- :'''''''D
> 
> btw writing asahi crying hurts and i would not recommend to anyone ever


End file.
